TODAY’S FORECAST: Optimistic
Recently, I had someone say to me, “Why pretend to be happy? You can say it, sometimes life sucks! You don’t always have to try to be positive.” It’s been niggling in the back of my brain for a little while, sneaking into my thoughts every now and then. If I’m being completely honest, it’s a little bothersome to me because I take it to mean, “Jen, you’re not being genuine,” and “Ouch, that kinda hurts.”
I mean, yes, I would agree that I’m generally a positive person. Yellow is my favorite color. I’m outgoing and talkative, and when I meet people, I generally have a smile. I’ve heard more than once how “bubbly” I am, and I wouldn’t disagree with that assessment. I write encouraging words to friends when I can, including those of you who read my blog or my facebook page. Yet that doesn’t mean my world is always full of sunshine.
I also have my moments when I’m not so positive and I express real pain and sadness for the things that have gone on in my life. I have shared my hurt and disapppointment about bad test results, daily pain, living with chronic illness, etc. I have days at home where I cry because I think I can’t stand one more minute of pain or one more complication with my health. I have felt guilt that my husband has to take on tasks by himself and that my kids cannot have a “normal” mom. I feel sadness when we keep losing lives in the Cystic Fibrosis community and when my own parents or Bob’s are dealing with the complications of aging. I don’t think I’ve been shy about sharing the ups and the downs, especially with the people who are closest to me.
The thing is, I have lots of reasons to be more positive than negative. I guess you could say that I have had some awakening in the last few years, of how much God loves me and how AWESOME He is. For all the things that keep hitting our family, the struggles we’ve been through in the last few years, He has given us some abundant blessings. He is leading me to a place where He is in control and I am trusting that He knows what is best. Let me tell you how unlike me that really is. I am a control freak. I am not a truster. I do it best myself, and that’s the way it has been for years. Yet, I honestly believe He is changing that in me. That, my friends, is something so beyond me, it has to be from Him; because me, the real me, could not be where I am with the attitude I have now without some sort of “supernatural” intervention.
I also have an AMAZING support system in my family and friends. When you get sick, I mean really sick, you quickly find out who your “real friends” are. God has placed people in my life, some that I’ve known for years and some that I didn’t even know a year ago, and somehow they have been there for me in ways I couldn’t have ever dreamed. I wrote it in an earlier post in the blog, but they are complete angels, and I don’t know what I’d do without them. Our families? Our families are not perfect. We have our gripes about one another, we get on each other’s nerves occasionally, as most families do; but we LOVE each other so much. If I needed one of my family members on my side or Bob’s, I could pick up the phone and say “Please come,” and they’d be there. Not everyone can say that, and I consider myself very lucky.
So tell me then, what’s not to be positive about? Through all the pain, all the struggles, all the financial strains, all the difficult moments, I have so much to be thankful for. My heart is so full. My body may be betraying me, but I have so much love and support in my journey; this happiness, this bubbliness cannot be contained. I wish that for all of you, peace, support and love during all your difficult times. If you’re not feeling it, give it to God. He is truly my source of happiness and help.
He prays to God and finds favor with Him, he sees God’s face and shouts for joy; he is restored by God to his righteous state. Job 33:26