TODAY’S FORECAST: Graced
My hubby, Bob, always teases me about how excited I get when I receive positive feedback from my friends on Facebook, readers on my blog or those who have met me at a CF event that I’ve participated in or have spoken at. He always says the same thing, “No, no, no! These people are all buying the hype! They need to see the Jenny that I live with at home.” It makes me laugh every time. He teases me incessantly about this “evil seed” that somehow the doctors have missed in all their ultrasounds, x-rays, CT scans, MRIs and blood work that makes me cranky and impatient. He tells me he has high hopes that one day, someone will find it and remove it since they’ve pretty much removed every other non-vital organ in all my surgeries. Do you see why I love this man? He keeps me laughing all the time. 🙂
Bob has a point though. Unless it’s someone who really, really knows me, many times I interact with people on a pretty “surface-level” basis. They get to see me at my “best,” through a post that I’ve made, through a couple of meetings, from a phone call or two, etc. Bob lives with me. He gets to see it all. Let me tell you guys, if I’m being 100% honest, it’s not always pretty.
Bob sees me without makeup looking pale. He sees me after days of sink baths with my hair pulled up in a clip when my port is accessed for IV antibiotics. He sees me coughing up stuff that no one should have to witness, especially during intimate encounters. He’s seen the not-so-nice side of mood swings from medicines I take. He’s seen me angry at my Cystic Fibrosis at the times that it is not inspiring but disgusting and painful. He sees me crabby and impatient when I’m talking with the pharmacy, insurance companies or Social Security. He’s seen me complain about family and friends. He’s seen my pride in over-drive when I’ve been not bubbly and vivacious, but attention-seeking and dramatic. He’s seen me yell at our kids when I don’t feel good and be lazy when depression takes its toll. Bob has seen the real me and still loves me beyond measure. He is my rock and a gift.
I think about the things that Bob can see from his end of things and I feel ugly in those moments sometimes. Then I think about the thoughts that I think and the feelings that I harbor that Bob can’t see, but that God can, and then I really start to feel sick. Yet like my dear, sweet hubby, but on such a fantastically greater scale than he or I could ever comprehend, I believe God loves me unconditionally. Even with all my life’s secrets, the stains of my sin, that “evil seed,” God loves me and cares for me. He has essentially “bought the hype” because I am His child. The realization still floors me, even after years of welcoming His love.
Do you have an “evil seed” somewhere that you think is beyond God’s love, anyone’s love? I am here to assure you that you’re wrong. Romans 8:38-39 says, For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
What an incredibly awesome and incomprehensible gift! I have a word of advice today. If you do not have someone as wonderful and as forgiving in your life as I do in my husband, I’m sorry, you deserve that. BUT… it doesn’t matter honestly, because as wonderful as Bob’s love and understanding is in my life, God is the one that really matters. He is the one that you really need to “buy your hype,” and He does and will show you, if only You invite Him to do so.
Lord, I know you “buy my hype.” You created my blueprints and You know me EXACTLY as I am. I’m sorry for the “evil seeds” that are lurking in my life. Forgive me and help me to abide in Your love. Thanks for Your gracious gift. Amen.