TODAY’S FORECAST: Frustrated
There are days like today that I don’t particularly like my life. I’m grateful to be alive mind you, I just don’t like the things that are happening there sometimes. Take my health for instance. Cystic Fibrosis (CF) has become a real roaring beast agan in the last few days. It has taken away my sleep and and my husband’s. It has created an environment where I have to say, “Jacob, do your 20 minutes of reading with sissy and Daddy or I will sign your agenda later on this evening because Mommy needs to go lay down.” It is having to put off the last-minute Christmas shopping and wrapping for extended family members that I needed to do early this week. It’s forgetting about driving over to the bank to get the Social Security deposit processed off my kids’ Direct Express account so that we can replenish our quickly emptying checkbook for the things they need. Instead, my time today has been about pain and slow movements. It’s finding a comfortable position to sit or lay in when all parts of your body hurt so bad that when your child surprises you with a bear hug, you yelp with pain instead of squealing with pleasure.
It’s deciding if you should bug the Dr. just once more before the holiday because the pain medication you’re taking isn’t cutting it, but then hesitating because you don’t want to feel loopy and out of it with another med, which is almost as bad as not being there at all because you are in bed nursing the hurts. It’s the cycle of taking medicines A,B and C for problems A, B and C and then oops, medicines B and C cause problems D, E and F so now we have to start medicnes D and E to combat those, but oh medicine E creates problems G and H so now what do we do with those, add more medicine of course, and the cycle continues! ARGGGHHHHHHH!
It’s humbly and quietly praying for the pain to go away, asking others to pray for the same, but then knowing that God doesn’t always give us what we think we need, He gives us what we do need.
Does He know I just get so mad sometimes making these “lesser of evils” decisions day-to-day? Of course He does, and I think it probably maddens Him a little as well, knowing that I’m suffering when He loves me so much. But then again, maybe he delights in weakness because he knows that weakness will make me cling to Him and keep my focus on Him. As Corinthians 12:9-10 says:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
He also didn’t promise grace would come without suffering and I guess I should be honored if he chose me to suffer. For he says in Romans: 8:17-18:
17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
So instead of praying for the end of my suffering, I think what God is probably asking me is “Did you ask Me to help you with it? Instead of taking it away?” “Did you put the focus on ME and not on YOU?”
There is a lot of suffering happening around us in the world today. Sometimes it impacts us directly, sometimes other people that we may not even know. Pray with me that we can endure, that we can count suffering as a gift of glory and that above all else that God remains even in moments of frustration.