TRULY THANKFUL FOR: Technology that allows for faster diagnosis and treatment, even if I have to conjure up a little patience in waiting for the results. 😉
This morning I had to go to the hospital for an early morning ultrasound. I would say I’m pretty familiar with ultrasound having had more than 30 of them in the last 10 years. They don’t hurt, they’re usually relatively quick and the techs are pretty friendly, especially when you come in the early morning. Every time I go for one, it’s typically a similar version of the same story, no matter what part of me they are scanning. They pull out the gel, work their way around with the scanner wand and don’t tell you anything because the radiologist has to read the results. I know this is the process, but just because I know it doesn’t mean I don’t get curious and wonder what all those pulsating, blurry images mean.
Today our goal was looking for the unknown source of pain that keeps plaguing me on my right side. The radiology tech started her scanning, moved around a few times and then kept coming back to a particular area and kept scanning it over and over again. At one point, she said “I’m just trying to check the blood flow on this thing.” I believe “the thing” she was referring to is what’s left of my right ovary, but who knows. Anyway, when she had scanned to her satisfaction, she told me to “sit tight a moment” while she took it to the doctor to look at. No sooner had she closed the door and my overactive imagination jumped to life with a million questions. “Is there something wrong? Did she find something? Why was she so focused on that spot? Why did she keep scanning it over and over and taking more pictures? What was she talking about “blood flow?” Before I could even finish my next thought she walked back in the room. She asked a couple more insignificant questions about past surgeries and said cheerfully, “You’re all set, you should have the results in a couple of days.”
My thoughts of course did not stop when she exited the room. Why do I have to wait two days? What takes them so long? If the radiologist just looked at it and determined it could wait two days, then it must be not be anything too bad, right? My mind was already racing ahead to getting home and jumping on the computer to see what a normal ovary looks like on ultrasound. Yes folks, I am a complete danger to myself! LOL 🙂
I think it’s a little bit like this with the rest of my life too. God is like that ultrasound tech who has all the answers. Where I see blurry, pulsating images, He sees with clarity and precision because He already knows the story of my life; my failures, my triumphs, the whole journey. Sometimes I ask Him for answers to the things I don’t know, and like the ultrasound tech, He doesn’t give them to me when I want them. Sometimes I just have to wait. I hate waiting. Waiting signals to me that I don’t have all the answers which makes me realize once again who is really in control. There it is again, that word I hate, control.
I am not a patient person, never have been and probably never will be. Patience is something I have to constantly work on and honestly, after years of trying to get better at it, I don’t think I’ve really made any drastic progress. Are there others of you out there who feel the same? I found this prayer online today and loved it. For those of you who are impatient bugs like me, this is all for you. For ultrasound results and the rest of my life’s results, God grant me patience.
A PRAYER FOR PATIENCE
Gracious God, it’s so hard to wait. To wait for new things to happen in my life. To wait for you to answer my prayers. To wait for the open doors that may lead me into a new way of being. During the time of waiting, it seems that all I can think of is having what it is I am waiting for. At times I feel weary of asking and waiting, and I wonder if you really hear my prayers at all, if you are ignoring me, or if you are simply refusing to give me my heart’s desire. A part of me knows that you want my best, and that your time is not my time, but Lord, it is still so hard to wait. Deepen my trust, O Lord, during the times when my heart longs for what can only come in the fullness of time. Give me a calm assurance that your will for me is grander than anything I could ever imagine. Still my mind and heart in your love so that I am mindful of the grace you are draping around me every single day, every single moment. I ask this for the sake of your love.
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